Someone will ask, "it's so clear that why didn't you praise your boss at the beginning?" The furthest distance in the world is from knowing to doing. We are all ordinary people. We often make mistakes. When we make mistakes, we will reflect. The following is a collection of reasons I collected for you. Let's have a look!
"Can't you boast about me!" Why is it so hard to praise a person?
When discussing work with the boss two days ago, the boss looked at the small mirror on the table when he was free. I was a little puzzled. I looked at her face more when I spoke. It's quite normal. As always, she is healthy and black, without acne, greasy pencil, and leek leaves on her teeth... The only thing that's not normal is that she winks at me all the time. It seemed that I suddenly understood something and began with special concern: "didn't you sleep well last night?"
Then the atmosphere was instantly embarrassed. After five seconds of silence, the boss was about to cry: "I planted eyelashes yesterday. It's so obvious. It's so beautiful. Can't you boast about me?" Me:... You see, everyone wants to be praised. To say the benefits of praising people, countless predecessors have said many things, such as positive reinforcement to each other, obtaining the same sincere feedback from others, physical and mental pleasure of both sides, promoting good interpersonal relations, social harmony and world peace... Far away!
Everyone knows that praising people is very important. Why is it that some people can't boast and can't boast a little?
01 why is it so difficult to praise people?
1 focus on things, not people. Lack of a keen nerve
This is the fundamental reason why I am so embarrassed. I am bent on grasping the boss's time to make a conclusion. I completely ignore the boss's needs and don't really care about this person, so I won't be sensitive enough to some things of TA. But then again, for a woman like me, even if the boss blinks his eyes to cramp, I may still not see it, because I'm really indifferent to the number of ways of making up.
2 have higher expectations for each other, to put it bluntly, is to turn a blind eye to the advantages of others
In fact, this is particularly reflected in the parents who want their children to become dragons and phoenixes. When friends get together, little C will say a lot of children's shortcomings every time. Once, a friend said, "your child was the first in the class in the last final exam. What else do you want to do?" Little c looked at the child not far away like a thief and whispered, "you can't mention it. You can't mention it at home. He has to raise his tail! This is primary school. It's nothing, not to mention more than ten points from the first grade!"
The closer you are to people, the more demanding they seem to be. They call it good for each other. However, they blindly ignore the advantages and always hold a small whip. Is that really good?
I haven't been really praised, and I don't know what is the correct posture to praise others
Such people are really not in a minority. When a person has not experienced the feeling of being sincerely praised and has not been inspired by sincere praise, Ta really doesn't know the importance of praising others and how to praise them. Just like you have to ask someone who hasn't eaten vanilla ice cream to describe its taste, you can't say it!
Think that praising others will make you inferior
TA didn't come to praise me. Why should I praise TA? Praising others doesn't mean exposing where I'm inferior to ta? I don't want to do such a stupid thing that exposes its shortcomings! Really stupid? This seemingly foolproof self-protection will make you lose a lot of sincerity in life. Moreover, even if it is boasted, this kind of "reciprocity" praise does not have any sincerity.
My praise should not fall into the stereotype. I must be different and make a splash
So I searched for new words and sentences. Before I found them, those who wanted to boast didn't know where to go. As soon as the heat passed, I stuck myself there, and I could only feel secretly sorry.
Where are those failed "praises"?
To be honest, praising people is really an art. It needs to be flexible and avoid routine. The praises of failure I have experienced are no more than these types:
1 don't be distracted
If you think "well done! Great! Good job!" If it's a compliment, I don't think you really understand what a compliment is. These are just expressions, because they can be used in any scene and anyone. Will you feel seen when you hear this expression? Will your blood boil?! Definitely not!
I think this is just a conclusion when there is nothing wrong with it.
2 insincerity
More than ten years ago, one of my bosses loved to toss his hair. Every long holiday, he always changed his hair style or color. Once, the whole effect made her look ten years old, but she was very happy. She asked everyone if she looked good? When I was asked, I knew I couldn't tell the truth, but I wasn't willing to tell lies, so I squeezed out a "very good", which was particularly gnashing my teeth. It was estimated that my expression was also very ferocious.
Later, the boss never asked me a similar question again. Your insincerity must be felt by the other party. It's better not to boast.
3. Routinization
In the management training a few years ago, the theory of "follow first and then take second" was deeply rooted in the hearts of the people when giving feedback, so that many people used the routine to praise people in order to pave the way for the later to give advice. A trainee in my recent enterprise training camp heard me praise him for his attentive observation of different team members. After thinking deeply, his first reaction was: "coach, I know you must say my shortcomings later".
This reaction made me a little sad for a moment, so I immediately said to him, "I'm just praising you, because you do well and recognize it. There's nothing else!" I can feel his instant strangeness at the other end of the mobile phone and his subsequent joy. Therefore, when praising people, please remember: the ancient routine cannot be retained, only sincerity can win the hearts of the people.
4 open your eyes and tell lies
This is the literal meaning. Boasting for boasting is pure flattery, but this kind of clapping without sincerity and eyes will probably clap on the horseshoe. How can we realize the benefits of boasting?
03 praise people's correct posture
How can I boast?
1. A basic principle
Sincerity. The biggest manifestation of sincerity is to pay attention to details. You are praising a person. This person must be unique. Don't apply universal words to everyone. Without sincere praise, there will be no soul and no gorgeous words. Boast sincerely, in addition to saying what's good about each other, it's best to give a specific example, which will distract you!
2 two amplifiers
The effect of praising in public must be better than that of praising alone. For example, when my boss sent a circle of friends to publicly praise me for my good upward management, I was very happy.
Praise behind your back is better than praise in front of you. Behind the scenes praise is also called third-party praise: for example, the customer told me, "Tina, our students told me that they like you very much and can learn a lot from you", which makes me feel more fulfilled than the customer directly told me "I think you're very good". Remember, this is an amplifier, which does not mean that face-to-face praise can be omitted.
3 three levels
Some people say that I don't know how to praise a person specifically, so these three levels can help you.
First of all, the most basic level is to boast what a person has, which can be the appearance of TA, the resources he has, etc. the reason why he is the most basic level is because these are the most obvious. As long as you want to boast, you can always find something.
Secondly, boasting about a person's behavior (doing), what ta has done, what results, what he has learned and what ability he has obtained, which can be seen through certain observation or comparison before and after. It is not as obvious as grass-roots information.
Finally, the highest level of praising a person is praising the person's characteristics. What do you see about TA? Of course, the characteristics here must be positive, otherwise it's not praising! The reason why it is the highest level is that it is the most difficult to be seen, and sometimes the parties themselves do not realize it. If you can accurately boast, it is simply boasting to the heart. You may be regarded as a confidant because of this sentence.
4 four stages
Many people decide whether to praise a person or not based on the results of his work. We all know what to boast about the expected or unexpected results, but what if the results are not good? Can't you boast?
The result is not good. In fact, you can go back and boast about the process and what has been done well in the process; If you can't find a bright spot in the process, you can go forward and boast the starting point; If the starting point is not accurately positioned, the motivation can also be boasted.
Some people will ask: are all motives worthy of praise? Yes, it must be! Because one of the basic principles of the coach is that there is a positive motivation behind every behavior. As long as you are willing to try, there will be new discoveries!