When children make mistakes, they must point them out and help them correct them. I sorted out why children can't treat criticism correctly?, Welcome to learn from.
Why can't children treat criticism correctly?
The effect of emotional criticism is very poor!
No one wants to scold their children, but parents are always annoyed by their children. At this time, resentment at work, at home and against their children burst out. The parents stood tall and crossed their waist: "Why are you so careless! Who am I so tired all day? You eat well, dress well, buy what you want, and why are you so ignorant..."
After a violent storm, the parents felt a little more comfortable. After all, they vented, and then asked gently, "do you know it's wrong?"; The child is completely stunned by your momentum. He won't think about what's wrong with him. He just expects you to end early and say "I know I'm wrong".
Turn over old accounts and criticize without focus, and the effect is very poor!
If a person commits a crime, the law will only punish him once; But we always bring up the mistakes our children have made before. The child just didn't want to clean up his house this time. Many mothers, in their anger, will think of the N mistakes he had made before: failing to complete his homework, not walking the dog, losing his keys, picky eating, being punished to stand in class, playing with mobile phones
After you finish this, children will feel that they are good for nothing and that their mother is picky about them. A stubborn child will refute you unconvinced; Introverted children will be silent and feel very low self-esteem... But will they be willing to change if they don't clean the house? Generally not, because children feel that they have made too many mistakes and are about to give up, "there are too many lice, so they don't feel itchy".
Frequent and impatient criticism, the effect is very poor!
Children make mistakes, sometimes knowingly with luck, but sometimes unintentionally. Therefore, sometimes even if the child makes a mistake, we should first give him a soft and kind reminder to give the child a buffer time to correct, rather than directly criticizing the child without asking.
I was really worried to death at that time. I had her heart pumping, but I still held back and seriously told her: it's not a toy. Your mother lost something very important and had to stay up late to make up for it. I couldn't tell you a story, but my mother didn't blame you this time. Don't do it in the future... At least this mistake, my daughter didn't make it again.
The right way to criticize
Clarify the purpose of criticism: help children correct their mistakes
When children make mistakes, they must point them out and help them correct them. Parents should not be lenient because they are in a good mood today, nor should they think it is normal because their children are still young; On the other hand, parents should not blame their children for a small matter because they are in a bad mood. This is not conducive to the correction of children's mistakes.
Criticism is a way to help children correct their mistakes, not a way for parents to vent their emotions. Similarly, don't take "no criticism" as a reward. Parents have their own emotions and find other places to vent; If you want to reward your children, find another way. Please stick to the principle in dealing with children's mistakes.
Adjust the critical attitude: respect children
Criticizing children is to help them correct their mistakes this time, so please talk to them on the matter with the attitude of "help", instead of criticizing their personality, showing their parents' authority and clearing their old accounts. For example, when the child upset a dish in anger, parents had better ask the child to leave the table and find a quiet place to let the child speak out their dissatisfaction. Then the parents fight back one by one. I don't yell at you or beat you, that is, I reason equally until you are speechless.
Don't slap your child on the head and then shout: it's you! What a bad temper, a virtue with your father!
Make sure your child understands the consequences of making mistakes
The reason why children often make mistakes after being criticized is that children themselves do not bear any consequences, or parents do not have the heart to let children bear some consequences.
When the child upset a dish in anger, the mother came up for a criticism, and finally asked, "do you know it's wrong" "do you know it?" "eat honestly and don't do it next time" -- in this way, the child may make mistakes again next time, because for the child, the price of overturned dishes is just a scolding, which doesn't hurt or itch.
The most effective way is to firmly tell your child that your meal is over and you have to leave the table immediately, but you can come to dinner normally for the next meal. I was so hungry for my daughter twice, and then my daughter didn't dare anymore.
Pay attention to the time and occasion of criticism
The ancients said: no responsibility in public, no responsibility for food, no responsibility in the morning and evening. In other words, don't criticize children in public, especially in front of classmates and partners. This will greatly hurt children's self-esteem, make children feel inferior and even resent their parents. The best occasion is the child's own bedroom, which is more private. Both sides can open their hearts and have a dialogue without scruples. When eating, if it's not for the meal itself, don't blame the child, because it will affect the child's chewing and gastrointestinal peristalsis, which will seriously affect the child's health in the long run.
Don't blame your child in the morning and before going to bed, because the morning is the beginning of the day. Severe blame will make your child feel bad for a while; The blame before going to bed will seriously affect the child's sleep quality.
Different age groups should have different criticism
Before the age of 3, many children's mistakes are actually normal phenomena in the process of growth and development and exploring the surrounding world. Parents don't need to blame their children positively. For example, throwing toys, playing with water and wetting clothes can be tolerated more as long as there is no danger.
At the age of 3 ~ 5, children already have some of their own ideas and understanding. At this time, when children make mistakes, parents should tell their children the consequences. The dog used to regard you as his best friend, but you kicked him. He must be very sad.
After the age of 5, when the child is a little more mature physically and mentally, there may be some deliberate mistakes. At this time, the child should be allowed to bear some necessary punishment and consequences.