Listening is not only the premise of communication between people, but also an important step for parents to communicate with their children. So what are the tips for communicating with children, in addition to the first step of "listening"? I sorted out why children don't feel close to their parents. Welcome to learn from them.
Why are children not close to their parents
When children complain about difficulties, parents attribute the reason to stupidity
Some parents do not provide practical help and guidance when their children tell about their difficulties, but attribute all the reasons to their children's stupidity. Neither children nor adults are willing to be close to a person who denies themselves
Pay too much attention to the opinions of others and put pressure on children
Some parents especially like to compare their children with other children's children. At first, they compare their physical development, speak first and walk earlier than their children; Later, compare their strengths, grades, universities, work, etc. such comparison can only make the child's heart more and more stressed and lack courage. The most important thing is that it is also easy to destroy the parent-child relationship in the comparison.
Parents have a strong desire for control
If parents have too much control, it will cause their children to feel out of breath when they are with their parents. When children are young, their ideas are relatively simple, so they are easy to be manipulated by their parents. However, with the growth of children's age and experience, their own ideas will be born gradually. Therefore, when parents intervene excessively, there will be a bottom rebound, and they naturally don't want to be close to their parents.
Lack of company and communication
Now more and more parents take out their mobile phones as soon as they get off work and sit there for a long time. They never care about their children and accompany their children, but just sink into the pleasure of playing mobile phones, resulting in very little communication with their children.
Over time, children will lack a certain sense of security, always feel that their parents never care about themselves, the child's heart will become lonely, the feelings for their parents will gradually fade, and the relationship between the two will become worse.
Always ask children in a commanding tone
Parents always feel that they are elders and ask their children to do everything in a command tone. For example, children have been playing during holidays and are not ready to do their homework. As soon as parents go up, they will scold in a very simple and rough way.
Although this can let the child finish his homework immediately, it has caused serious damage to the child's heart. With the growing age of children, they will increasingly dislike the tone of this command, and often quarrel with their parents, resulting in further deterioration of the relationship.
How to communicate with children skillfully?
When a child is growing up, he has a lot to say to his parents, but often he doesn't say it when he is old. Parents should form a habit. No matter how busy they are, as long as their children want to say something, although we may be busy with work and housework, we should also stop and sit there and listen carefully. We must sit down and listen. After listening, don't rush to make a statement, don't criticize him immediately, listen to him, then calm down and think about it, and then find time to communicate with him: "I think it would be better that you told me that day." So parents should learn to sit down and listen. Listening is an important step in communicating with children.
1. Look straight at the child and squat down
Don't always blame your children for being bad. Now, in children's programs at home and abroad, many hosts sit on the ground and look at the children level when talking, so that the children feel that we are equal. So parents have to do the same. We should form a habit and remember that parents and children are equal in personality.
2. Discuss with children and respect each other
Whenever something happens, parents should discuss with their children: "do you think we can do this? Can we go here today?" Children will also become people who respect others and form the habit of discussing things.
3. Let children learn to choose
Choice is an ability to survive. When a child has something to do, for example, from primary school to middle school, many mothers will say, "I spent a lot of effort and money to get you into this key school, so you have to go." In this way, the child will be particularly painful. In addition, some social activities organized by the school, including extracurricular counseling classes, should let the child decide whether to go or not, and let the child learn to choose, which is also the trust of parents.
4. Write a letter to your child and express it skillfully
After entering puberty, some children will be ashamed to express their feelings. At this time, they can skillfully express their feelings by writing letters.
5. Save face for children
Think from the perspective of children and don't expose them in public. This is also an aspect of maintaining children's mental health.
6. Let the children go out to know the society
Now there are so many social practice activities, we should let children have more contact with society and exercise themselves widely, which is very good for children's growth.
7. Apologize to the child and say sorry
When resolving family conflicts, saying sorry will not reduce the prestige of parents, but will enhance children's trust in you. Therefore, when we do something wrong, we should bravely say "sorry" to our children.
8. Learn from children, and those who are capable are teachers
Today's children do have many advantages, such as better means of obtaining information than parents. Therefore, parents may wish to take their children as teachers in the fields their children are good at and often ask some questions. In fact, it also provides parents with an opportunity to consult their children, which will enhance their children's self-confidence.