Many people will care about other people's evaluation, especially if you are an emotionally sensitive person. Sometimes, you will have a lot of judgment on yourself. Only by letting go of judgment can you put your emotions on a lower intensity, because if your judgment exists all the time, your emotions will increase with your judgment of yourself. The following is a collection of reasons I collected for you. Let's have a look!
There is an emotion out of control - called self-evaluation
Wen / Wu Zaitian
Many people will care about other people's evaluation, especially if you are an emotionally sensitive person. Even if other people's comments are insignificant, it will bring you a lot of pain and trouble, so that you will be very sensitive to anyone's every word, and your emotions will fluctuate accordingly.
Sometimes, you will have a lot of judgment on yourself.
Only by letting go of judgment can you put your emotions on a lower intensity, because if your judgment exists all the time, your emotions will increase with your judgment of yourself.
Therefore, the judgment we mentioned here does not mean that you can look at everything optimistically, not to this state, but to stop the thinking mode of either good or bad.
Because judgment can easily trigger our own emotions, your emotions caused by external events will also intensify when you make self-judgment.
For example, if you break up with your boyfriend, you may think that it is because you are not good enough, and then because you are not as good as other girls in body or character, the breakup will bring you more pain.
On the one hand, there is the pain of breaking up. On the other hand, breaking up has caused some of your emotions and the emotions brought by your self-evaluation. You think you are not good enough.
How does self-evaluation trigger your emotions
In the psychological counseling work, we sometimes receive some counseling for teenagers or children. When parents bring their children, they will tell us that our children can't do this or that, math is not good, English is very poor, and then they don't like learning. They know to play all day.
Many parents will put labels on their children when they arrive. My son will jokingly tell these parents whether the child has written the words "don't study hard" on his face since he was born. Then, parents may smile and stop talking about it.
When we are young, we can say that you are smart or lazy, but we can also say that you are very important to us when we are young.
We can try to write down other people's descriptions of ourselves, then go back to the factual basis behind each description, and clearly write down what behaviors you have caused others to describe you like this.
For example, if people like to call you a crying ghost, it may be because you used to cry every time you went to school. Now you can recall these pictures and write down the reasons behind your behavior.
For example, your mother calls you a crying ghost. She thinks crying is your character, but in fact, every time you go to school, you are afraid to separate from your mother. There may be some reasons like this, so that you will cry at that time.
So, other people's Description: you love to cry. The reason behind crying behavior is that you are afraid of separation.
Well, we can conclude from this that you don't like crying, but because you were afraid of separation at that time, you expressed it in the way of crying, so let others think that crying is your character.
Then you can try this method to write down what others describe you, what your behavior conforms to this description, and a practical reason for this behavior.
Then when you do this, you will find that others may describe you correctly, that is, you really cry, but this does not mean that this is your character, because it is likely that what happened at a certain moment in your life affected your crying behavior at that time.
Because of the label, there is less understanding.
That is, others don't understand, maybe you don't understand this part of yourself, so there is self-evaluation.
Self judgment can interfere with our emotions and behavior
When you are emotional, your rational part can't focus on your work, but is affected by emotion, and the influence of emotion may cause some of your behaviors.
For example, if you send a message to your boyfriend, he doesn't reply immediately, and you don't receive a reply after waiting for a while, then you may be a little angry.
At the same time, it is also likely that you will have some judgment on yourself. For example, some friends will say to themselves: I shouldn't take the initiative to send him a message.
There is a judgment on yourself that you have done something you regret or stupid.
Emotional reasoning may occur at this time.
The so-called emotional reasoning is that when your emotions become sensitive, you will easily believe those thoughts that come with your emotions. These thoughts are called emotional reasoning.
For example, if you are worried that your work is not going well and you are worried that you will be scolded by your boss, your emotional reasoning may be that my working ability is not enough.
So many girls, when they don't get a reply from their boyfriend, are likely to think of some of the comments made by your boyfriend on you during the last quarrel with him. He thinks you don't consider his feelings. He thinks you've done too much, and then you may absorb this part of the comments. You will also doubt whether you really did too much, and whether the other party ignored you because you did too much?
If your thoughts and comments continue, your emotions will continue to explode out of control. At this time, it may lead to greater emotions, you may have more anger, you may be very angry, and you may think not to be with this person again.
It's even possible that when the other party returns your message or call, you don't reply or hang up directly, but the other party may not know what happened.
This is how you judge yourself. This process happens almost once in your inner world, causing you to have a lot of emotions, which interfere with your rational thinking.
Your judgment of yourself may cover up your initial emotions.
In the example just mentioned, we may have anger. However, anger may be your second emotion. You use the second emotion to cover up the first emotion.
What is the first emotion? This requires us to be self aware. For example, maybe fear.
Because the news has not been recovered, you may feel lost or fear that you will be abandoned by the other party. At this time, we will feel vulnerable because of fear.
So we use anger to cover up our fear. Similarly, you will use behavior instead of emotional expression.
This is also a state that is easy to appear in our intimate relationship.
It can also be seen that as long as you pay attention to your secondary emotions, you are likely to be unable to deal with the situation at that time, because your first emotion is what we need to face most.
So how to change your critical thinking?
To change your critical thinking, try consciously paying attention to your critical thoughts.
Sometimes, we know that we have a lot of self-evaluation ideas, so we will blame ourselves. Why is it again.
You can count the number of your judgments in a day. Whether positive or negative, whether to yourself or others, pay attention to those words that express absoluteness or extremes.
For example: you always; You never; Some words like this.
Or: you can be better, how can you be better?
These words usually mean that you have begun to judge, including the label you put on others.
Make statistics, and then you can find out whether you are a person who often judges others or yourself?
In fact, the process of statistics is to let you constantly see and perceive your judgment behavior. Your next step is to identify them, and then consciously keep your self judgment away from you.
When you realize that you are judging yourself, you can say to yourself, I'm judging again.
Then, you can continue to do what you are doing. At first, you may have to repeat the process many times, but when you repeat the process, you are constantly increasing your awareness of your judgment behavior.
Then you will be more skilled to find that when you have a critical thinking, you will tell yourself that I am judging again. With the discovery of self-evaluation, you will consciously stop judging your behavior.
Another important reason why we judge ourselves is that we often compare ourselves with others.
We judge and criticize ourselves. We don't do well enough, lose weight successfully enough and work hard enough. Most of our judgments are because we compare with others, and most of them are compared with those who do better and better than us.
Therefore, we should consciously reduce our comparison with others. Reducing comparison will also reduce our judgment on ourselves.
A lot of emotions out of control, in fact, often originate from our hearts. We first have a lot of self-evaluation of ourselves, so we will easily accept and agree with the evaluation of the outside world.
If we can let go of our judgment of ourselves, we will become more and more powerful and help us resist all kinds of external attacks.
We can't stop all kinds of messages sent to us by the outside world, but our tenacity and strong self give us the ability to choose whether to agree or not.