Many parents find it difficult to communicate with their children. Originally, they just wanted to care about their children, but the children don't appreciate it and even talk back... I sorted out the reasons why children are not obedient. Welcome to learn from them.
What are the reasons why children are not obedient
Reason 1: too nagging, said 800 times
According to the feedback from parents, since I had children, I seem to have become a repeater. If you don't repeat a thing three or five times, or even ten times, the child won't listen.
When I ask my parents, aren't you tired? The answer of parents is generally: no way, don't repeat and don't listen!
But according to our survey, what children don't want to listen to is that parents have been nagging and saying 800 times.
From the perspective of parents, keep repeating, you will always have a memory, so that you won't make similar mistakes next time. But the truth is that if parents remind them of everything repeatedly, children will ignore the really important information. Because everything is important, but everything is not important. In this way, children will do one thing according to their mood, not according to their priorities.
So for this kind of situation, parents had better not repeat everything 800 times. For example, when you get up in the morning, it is stipulated that I will only call you twice. If you don't get up late, you will bear the consequences yourself. For example, for dinner, I only call you once. If you say you have to wait five minutes, I'll give you another five minutes. If you don't come to eat in five minutes, I won't call you anymore.
In other words, give the initiative to the child, rather than the parents remind him of this and that all day like a top. In this way, children have no concept of time and rely on their parents.
Reason 2: unrealistic requirements
We always say that we should have reasonable expectations for our children, but in fact, very few parents can really do it. For example, when the test results come out, I am worried to see that the ranking of other children is single digits and that of my own children is ten digits. "Work hard and you'll be in the top ten next time."
Some parents in junior high school told me that I felt that my child could be admitted to the top ten of the grade with his ability, but he didn't care at all. Every time I say this, he looks cold.
Almost all parents feel that as long as their children work hard, they can definitely test the top ten of the whole class and the top ten of the grade. But in fact, the phrase "as long as you work hard" is the most inaudible word for children. Because the person who really learns is a child, he knows how likely it is to realize it.
So next time, you might as well expect to be more reasonable. Replace the words of the top ten classes in the first ten grades with "I forgot to check English last time. Check it carefully this time and try to get 5 points more than last time".
Reason 3: with emotion, the tone is particularly heavy
In the process of communicating with parents, I always mention one word: gentle and firm. No one likes to talk to someone with emotion, because you will feel that he has been slandering you like taking gun medicine.
Therefore, when communicating with their children, especially when their children are in a bad mood or make mistakes, parents must put down their emotions and speak in a calm and gentle tone. In this way, children can reflect on their problems rather than quarrel with you. For example, Ji Yangyang's mother in "little joy" has always been very gentle and warm. Solving problems does not depend on shouting, but on communication.
Reason 4: subjective assumption, not objective
When you are talking, before you finish here, others will say "I knew you XXX". Such a way of speaking will make people feel particularly depressed. To put it bluntly, he looks very powerful and knows everything.
If parents always talk to their children in this way, the children will think you are an arrogant parent and won't talk to you for a long time. Because every time he hasn't had time to explain the situation, you make a subjective judgment there and finish what the child says?
Therefore, when parents communicate with their children, the most basic thing to do is to respect, give their children the right to speak and let them finish.
Reason 5: only say what you care about
Whether it's communicating with children or with others. We often fall into a misunderstanding, that is, we only say what we care about.
In fact, communication is bilateral. If when you talk to others, they always say what they care about, and they don't listen to what you say, are you willing to go on? Will you still listen to him?
He must have thought, anyway, what you said has nothing to do with me. Why should I continue to listen to you.
Therefore, when communicating with their children, parents should say more questions from their children's standpoint and give their children more opportunities to explain, rather than just say what they care about. For example, after the exam, you only ask about your grades, regardless of your child's feelings. Next time, if you talk about learning, will the child be willing to listen?
Reason 6: too much truth
Every parent was once a child. When you were a child, would you like to listen to your parents all day? So we can understand why we talk to children so much, but children can't listen to anything.
Before communicating with a junior high school girl, I found that the child has a good character and has his own ideas about learning. But from the feedback from parents, children have a lot of problems. Of course, I can't completely judge the situation of my children by one conversation. After all, it's parents living with their children. But what I want to express is that I didn't tell my child the truth, just told him some objective facts.
How to communicate with children correctly
1. No child's question is stupid. If the question is really superfluous, the child will not raise it.
2. Many children's questions begin to sound like they want to get a specific, matter of fact answer. It sounds a little simple. But a large number of children ask questions to get "indirect" answers. Only by paying attention to the "self disclosure" of children's problems can teachers understand their problems - what children really want to know.
3. There is no distinction between important and unimportant children's problems. Every question raised by children has its reason, and the existence of each question itself shows its importance.
4. The basic reason why children ask questions comes from the irrefutable fact that there is "why", there is "because, so".
5. The questions raised by children are often marvels at the event. Children want to know the meaning of the event more widely by asking questions. In this regard, the children's surprise is not accidental, but the result of being touched.
6. Children's problems often arise from positive actions rather than long sermons, so it is very helpful for children to create opportunities and get more action experience.
7. Behind many children's problems, there are many experiences, expectations, fears and worries. Therefore, teachers should not think that every problem is only the problem itself.
8. The question raised by the child has its internal purpose, and the teacher should understand it. The way children ask questions can often tell us how children feel and what they think.
9. It is not allowed or allowed to blame the children for the "embarrassing" problems raised by the children. Teachers should find out why children's questions make them feel embarrassed and embarrassed.
10. It takes time to answer children's questions, and teachers should pay time for them. Providing fast-food answers alone will not help children, nor will it make children deeply understand the answers they get.
11. Children's questions are often the beginning of very serious discussions. People who appreciate children's questions will regard children as equal dialogue partners.
12. Children's problems come from children's special way of thinking. The teacher should put himself in the children's magical thinking full of pictures and myths.
13. Children's problems come from their curiosity. If you don't answer their questions or comment on their questions, you may suffocate their curiosity and make them lose the ability to increase their knowledge.
14. Children are best able to ask questions when they think their environment is democratic, unbiased and understanding.
15. The child's question shows that he is interested in research and pondering his own and other people's ideas.
16. Asking questions is a true proof that children have the courage to understand what they think is important. Just like a child in the fairy tale "the emperor's new clothes", he said that the Emperor didn't wear clothes at all.
17. Children's problems keep their thinking in motion all the time. Not accepting children's questions or constantly providing ready-made and completed answers will lead to the stagnation of their thinking.
18. Daydreams and fantasies are part of a child's attention to himself. Children often think about their questions and answers at this time. Therefore, children should be given the opportunity to keep their dreams and fantasies in life.
19. Blaming children's questions will limit their thinking.
20. Although children want answers to many questions, common experience shows that they often find an answer for themselves in their heart. When you give the answer, the child will compare his own answer with the teacher's answer. Therefore, it is often a good answer to ask them questions with concern and friendship.