In fact, it only needs two points to do a good job: one is really want to do it, and the other is to concentrate on it. At first glance, it looks like correct nonsense, but when you think about it carefully, you will feel that there is something wrong: some things I concentrate on doing even if I want to do, but I still can't do it? The following is a complete collection of reasons I sorted out for you. Let's have a look!
Text / warm eyed bystander
Really want to do
There may be many motives for us to do something, such as:
Meet the expectations of others (such as parents);
Want / don't want to be different;
Do not feel uncomfortable; Fear of being criticized or looked down upon;
Let people who have denied themselves slap in the face
Wait
These driving forces can be roughly divided into four quadrants. The horizontal and vertical axes are: internal and external, positive and negative. Together, they are the four in the figure below.
If the driving force to do something is strong enough, it is likely that we will work hard for it. But how strong is strong enough?
Is there anything you really have to do?
I don't know if you have such a moment: for example, when you see a picture of someone with great figure, you are very envious. Your heart is boiling with blood. You can't wait to rush to the gym to practice hard for three hours.
But we finally overcame laziness. After we finally went to exercise, the soreness of muscles and the fatigue of our body made us forget the blood in an instant and just want to find a comfortable bed to collapse.
What's more terrible is that if you still don't see the effect after exercising for a period of time, you will not only doubt your ability, but also start to doubt your motivation: do I really want to have a good figure? It doesn't seem necessary; Appearance is not so important; I'm just too anxious about my body; You can also do other things to improve yourself when you have this time
I thought I really wanted to have a good figure, just like I wanted to have all the good things and morality, but when I found it much more difficult than I thought, I didn't want it so much.
Many things are like this. If you don't see a significant return after a taste, you go to convince yourself that you "don't really want it so much". Of course, the result is always empty.
If we think from a purely rational point of view, there are very few things in the world that must be done. We can't even say why we should live.
Almost everything can be found as long as you want to find a reason why you can't do it.
"Really want to do" requires some unreasonable obsession.
Why do you often find that "you don't really want it that much"?
Here are four driving forces:
If we rely on external drive, whether we can obtain ideal external feedback is unstable.
For example, we may not be praised for our progress, or we may be picky and picky; If you don't do well, you may not be blamed, or it may be everyone's attention and comfort; Even boasting about your achievements to others will usher in more praise than working hard.
Then why pursue the result of doing this?
If we rely on the internal negative driving force, whether it is self blame or anxiety and fear, it is very uncomfortable and makes us want to escape.
So why not do it more quickly and simply than relieving anxiety by doing it and telling yourself "I don't want to" can get rid of negative emotions?
In contrast, it is less easy to speculate in the above way to do something driven by the internal positive. Simply put: I choose, I'd love to.
Like a moment in the Book Moon and Sixpence that moved me:
"Why do you think you have a talent for painting?"
He didn't answer immediately. His eyes fell on the people in the past, but I don't think he saw anything. His answer is not an answer.
"I have to draw."
If you really want to do something, it's easier to concentrate on it.
Can concentrate on doing
Concentration is to focus on "doing this" itself and the process of doing things.
Nowadays, under the interference of electronic products, concentration is a valuable and scarce experience. Being able to concentrate is an ability that is much more difficult than it sounds.
Fortunately, the ability of concentration can be transferred. For example, it can be deliberately practiced through meditation and mindfulness.
But even so, seeing progress is a long-term process.
Recently, I have a deep understanding of this formula:
Ability = potential - Inner interference
If we can concentrate on doing things with less inner interference, and even achieve a flow experience, our potential will be brought into play more smoothly.
Many times, we can't do a thing, not because we can't do it, but because we don't have enough mental strength.
But inner interference seems to be inseparable from us. For example, the negative internal driving forces mentioned above, such as self blame, anxiety and fear, can be both driving and loss. Under the pull of this force, whether we move forward or backward depends on the result of the "tug of war" between the positive and negative sides.
In any case, even if we consume a lot of power in vain, the output may be very little.
The feeling of loss while driving is like drinking water with a leaky straw: even if you use great strength to suck, you can only drink a little water, and most of your strength is dealing with the hole in the straw.
I think there are several common inner disturbances: self-evaluation, fantasy of perfection, and being too eager to get results.
1. Self evaluation:
When we do things, our minds are often accompanied by various self evaluations.
For example, when I write an article, I often think unconsciously while writing: this sentence is too badly written! Why can't I write clearly? Is this all nonsense? Digress
At this time, my straw began to leak.
Feelings of self blame, anxiety, irritability, frustration and so on flooded my mind.
In this case, how can we concentrate?
In addition, it is not only negative evaluation that makes us work hard. Positive evaluation also keeps us away from concentration. Chasing positive evaluation is essentially the same as escaping negative evaluation.
2. Fantasy perfect
How can it be called "good"?
I actually find it difficult to define. From the perspective of external comparison, it is certainly not good to be at the top of the world, but at least it can surpass most people we come into contact with in a certain field.
Some people will think that no matter what I do, I can't get the ideal result. Behind this may also be: the dream is perfect, or the fantasy is perfect. For example, although I have been writing recently, I haven't posted articles in official account for a long time.
It's not that the pursuit of excellence is not desirable, but many people boast that they "pursue perfection", but in fact, they don't know how to be perfect. If you think you have a high standard, you actually have no standard:
No matter how you do it, you will never reach your ideal, because this ideal is illusory.
3. Too eager to get results
Ironically, being too eager for results may keep them away from us.
The ideal state of doing a good job is to focus on the present and devote yourself wholeheartedly. If there is always a part of the result floating to the future, the specificity for the present is bound to be weakened.
"Too anxious" can be a huge obstacle to moving forward.
Whether it is too eager to get the result as soon as possible, or too eager to know whether the result can be obtained as soon as possible, anxiety, worry, tension, fear, irritability and anger are arranged and combined. They hold hands in front of us, but they separate us from the "result". These emotions make us internal friction. Before we take a few steps, we have no strength.
Moreover, the other side of wanting too much results may also be too afraid of failure.
There are thousands of ways to avoid failure. The simplest one is: if you don't do it, you won't fail. "Perfectionism" has become an excuse for many people to achieve nothing.
In addition, focusing only on the small point of "result" will also narrow our vision.
It's like when you first learn to drive, if you stare at the front nervously, you're afraid of danger, but you can't see the road conditions on both sides. Originally, all roads lead to Rome, but if you can only see the shortest straight line between two points, you may not find this road and countless other roads that can reach your destination.