When we make mistakes, we will have some cognitive disorders more or less. When we doubt ourselves, we can open the small book and have a look. Let the little book remind us: we are not a complete loser. Our mistakes are just a temporary aberration and do not represent the real level. The following is a collection of reasons I collected for you. Let's have a look!
After making a mistake, why don't you admit it?
Some time ago, friend AI make complaints about me.
A Yong is the leader of a company. At the beginning of last month, he asked his subordinate Xiao Zhang to make statistics on the work of this month.
As a result, I don't know how. The report submitted by Xiao Zhang is full of loopholes, and several data are not right.
So ah Yong called Xiao Zhang over and told him a meal, hoping that he would do the report again.
Xiao Zhang seemed very unconvinced and found a lot of reasons to extricate himself: "this data was compiled by Xiao Qi for me. I caught a cold and was not feeling well today, so Xiao Qi was asked to do it for me."
Ah Yong was more angry at this: "it's up to you. It's your fault that you didn't do it well. You still find so many reasons!"
Xiao Zhang suddenly cried, then threw the report and pushed the door out.
Ah Yong asked me, "did I do something wrong?"
I didn't know how to answer for a moment, because this matter needs to be considered from two angles.
From Xiao Zhang's point of view, he was "wronged" because he didn't do the work. He told the truth and was scolded even worse.
However, from the perspective of the manager, ayoun's practice is completely OK, and the employees do not admit that they have done wrong. As a manager, ayoun's anger is reasonable.
However, it is curious that why didn't Xiao Zhang say "I was wrong"?
As long as Xiao Zhang says "I'm wrong", things will be much smoother than they are now.
You might say that this is because the Chinese people have good face, so even if they are wrong, they can't say it.
This is part of the reason, but this explanation is not accurate.
If you carefully observe it, you will find that this phenomenon is almost universal. For example, someone said after cheating, "I just made a mistake that men all over the world will make". For example, when the enterprise finds out the problem, the person in charge of the enterprise will say: "this is an individual employee phenomenon, which has nothing to do with the enterprise"
Why are people so reluctant to admit their mistakes?
Carol Tavris and Eliot Aronson, the "dream group of American psychology", became interested in this phenomenon and wrote a book, "it's not my fault". They find people trying to say, "I'm wrong!" Is a very difficult thing. If this matter involves emotion, interest and morality, it will be more difficult to say this sentence.
I. reluctance to admit mistakes comes from cognitive disorder
Cognitive dissonance refers to the difference between people's cognitive level and the actual situation, resulting in unpleasant emotions.
This unpleasant emotion will lead to psychological trauma. In order to avoid greater harm, the brain will turn on the "self rationalization" mode to make the event reasonable, so as to escape the harm caused by "I'm wrong".
For example, a person who does not pay back may think of the debtor as a vicious villain, so that he can calmly refuse to pay back the money without having to bear the psychological burden.
For another example, Xiao Zhang, who did something wrong, thought he was a serious worker and could not make mistakes. In order to maintain this self-awareness, he would also open the "self rationalization" mode and find various reasons to explain.
Bo Yang, author of ugly Chinese, said: "Chinese people are not used to admitting mistakes. Instead, they have 10000 reasons to cover up their mistakes. There is a common saying:" close the door and think about mistakes. ". "Think about who's past? Think about each other's past!"
Cognitive dissonance will only make people's mistakes snowball.
As a leader, ah Yong didn't care what went wrong in the middle. He only saw that Xiao Zhang didn't do a good job and found various reasons to prevaricate. In the face of this situation, no matter which leader encounters it, he will explode, because it violates the minefield of the workplace and makes things more serious.
The characteristic of cognitive dissonance is that the higher the sunk cost, the more difficult it is to correct.
In the United States, there are a group of fanatical believers who believe that the end of the world will come on December 21. In order to escape the disaster, they gathered in a safe place on the night of December 20. Their followers believe that aliens will pick them up and leave the earth. Some followers even give up their jobs, abandon all their assets and slowly wait for the end.
But the end of the world has not come. December 21 is just a very ordinary day. According to common sense analysis, if the curse of the end of the century does not come true, believers should return to reason and go home to live a normal life.
On the contrary, the believers were not disappointed, but more enthusiastic. Because at 4.45 a.m. that day, someone told you: "because of our unparalleled loyalty, the world has been redeemed by aliens". Believers believe that they saved the world and believe more in the saying of "the end of the world".
This sounds ridiculous, but such things are not uncommon in life.
For example, if you buy a pile of food and take a bite, you find it difficult to eat, but you still eat them up;
You have prepared a plan. When you are halfway through the implementation, the customer asks you to redo it. If you are unwilling, you should still follow the original plan;
You pay a lot to your other half and find that the other party is a scum, but you still don't want to let go and beg for nothing to continue to be together;
You bought a stock and it has been falling since the day you started. You believe it will rise and refuse to sell it for a long time.
As LV ziqiao said in love apartment, "people often make another mistake in order to avoid one mistake."
The higher the sunk cost, the more serious people's unbalanced cognition and self rationalization will be, which will continue to lead to unwillingness to change, and the cost of silence will continue to rise, eventually leading to a complete collapse.
II. How to avoid cognitive imbalance
Hugo said, "it's an angel's dream not to make mistakes. It's human's rule to make as few mistakes as possible; mistakes are like the attraction of the earth's center, and everything on earth is bound to make mistakes."
We cannot avoid making mistakes, but we can choose the right way to deal with them.
1. Lower psychological expectations and prepare for the worst
People don't want to admit mistakes because they are afraid of serious consequences.
For example, an employee may choose to lie or deliberately hide the truth in order to avoid being punished by the leader for losing customers due to his mistakes.
However, this approach is ineffective in most cases and may even lead to more serious things. For example, after things are exposed, it involves personal integrity.
Carnegie said: "if you admit your mistake before others blame you. If you have said what the other party wants to say for him, he has nothing to say, then you have a 99% chance of getting his understanding."
Taking the initiative to admit mistakes is not only more likely to be forgiven, but also more likely to take the initiative in your own hands.
After making mistakes, calmly analyze the situation, lower psychological expectations, and prepare for the worst and the corresponding treatment plan. For example, if you tell the boss that the customer has been lost, the worst result is nothing more than dismissal. This is your own mistake, and you have the responsibility to bear it.
Prepare for the worst. Even if things do happen, you won't be helpless and collapse your mind.
Taking mistakes as growth and stepping stones to the future can quickly come out of mistakes and avoid falling into the vicious circle of "mistakes".
2. Tear down the wall in your mind
The reason why we can only get out of the original level of rationalization is that we can only get out of the original level of rationalization.
In the final analysis, what really makes us lost is the invisible wall in our mind.
For example, after many people make mistakes, the first thing is not to think about how to solve things, but how to find reasons and excuses to avoid being held accountable. If you change your thinking and admit your mistakes, you can not only improve yourself, but also avoid the behavior of turning small mistakes into big mistakes.
"I have the courage to admit my mistake," said Soros, a financial tycoon. "It's very helpful for my career to correct it as soon as I realize I've made a mistake. My success comes not from guessing correctly, but from admitting my mistake."
Recognizing and admitting mistakes in time can help us make better choices.
3. Establish achievement database and improve self-awareness
A sense of achievement can improve our courage and make us more used to admit our mistakes.
At work, you can prepare a small book for yourself and write down all the things you have done with a sense of achievement. For example, it was recognized by customers, praised by leaders, and admired by colleagues.
When we make mistakes, we will have some cognitive disorders more or less. When we doubt ourselves, we can open the small book and have a look. Let the little book remind us: we are not a complete loser. Our mistakes are just a temporary aberration and do not represent the real level.
Through such tips, we can quickly get rid of the impact of mistakes on us, and we will have more confidence to face and bear mistakes.
"It's not my fault" reveals the secret behind people's unwillingness to admit their mistakes and makes it clear. It turns out that the real reason why people like to find reasons to cover up mistakes is cognitive imbalance. The author not only explains the difficulty of admitting mistakes, but also teaches us the correct attitude of admitting mistakes. Mistakes are not as terrible as we think, and it is not so difficult to admit mistakes. As teacher Mo Yan said, "people are not afraid of making mistakes. If they make mistakes, they will become a classroom if they can get up with education and reflection."