My parents suppressed my education, belittled me and distrusted me. How can I improve my ability to trust others? What should I do? The following is a collection of reasons I collected for you. Let's have a look!
Why is it difficult to trust others? How to improve the ability to trust others? How to do it?
A1: @ congee also
First, we analyze the reasons for our parents' Education:
On the one hand, parents are too insecure. In order to ensure that their children will not leave them, they make you feel bad by suppressing, belittling and distrusting their children. Only then can you know that they who stay with you are the best and cherish them.
On the other hand, parents always feel that their children need constant supervision and cannot relax their requirements for their children, so they make all kinds of harsh behaviors, suppress, belittle and distrust their children.
Sometimes I want to insist on one thing, but my parents have always denied and distrusted me, resulting in my lack of self-confidence. In fact, I'm not bad.
Parents must have a heart that loves you. We can't deny it. But they do not know that this is a wrong way of expression, and there is no doubt that they do not know that this practice will make children very sad. They do not know that this practice will make children gradually lose self-confidence, low self-esteem, be vigilant to the outside world, and even feel that they do not deserve a good life.
How to make parents trust us more? You can try to communicate with your parents, show your dissatisfaction and let them better understand this problem.
A2: @ fish bone
How to improve the ability to trust others, we should first understand why we have this feeling of distrust towards others.
The perceptual point of trust is that we believe that the reason why others treat us well is because they love us sincerely, not because they cheat to achieve their own purpose. This belief is called trust.
Therefore, according to the definition of trust, we can see that we can't have a sense of trust in others, in the final analysis, it is because we don't believe that we can be sincerely loved by others.
This is a very interesting place. Distrusting others seems to be that you are superior and pushing others away. In fact, you are on the weak side, trying to get close to others and longing for the love of others.
The vast majority of people will subconsciously think that they are not worthy of love because they are not good enough. They have so many shortcomings that they can't even accept the imperfections. How can anyone accept them.
"I'm so bad. Why are you so good to me? Is there another plan? I can't believe you."
Therefore, to solve the problem of trusting others, we should start from ourselves, that is, we should believe that we can be sincerely loved, even if we are not good enough, even if we still think that no one loves us, we should also learn to let ourselves love ourselves first.
To love yourself is to accept all your states. Good ones can accept, bad ones can tolerate, and poor grades can; If you are not motivated enough, you can; The work is not done well enough and can be; I can't get along well with my friends.
No matter what it looks like, this is the most real self now. You don't have to judge it and give yourself unconditional love. Learn to love yourself before you can count on the love of others.
A3: @ glacial age
I personally feel like the fishbone said before. I can't have a sense of trust in others. In the final analysis, I don't believe that I can be sincerely loved by others.
The source of not trusting others is that I can't believe that I can be trusted by others. Since I can't be trusted by others, how can I trust others?
Therefore, in the final analysis, we still believe in our own problems.
The model of the landlord is: my parents are oppressive in my education, belittle me and distrust me.
Usually, I personally believe that the formation of a person's coping model is affected by two aspects, one is self, the other is the external environment.
The response mode suffered by the landlord is distrust, so the landlord will inevitably have a desire to prove that he can be trusted in order to deal with the distrust from others. If you still can't be trusted at this time, the landlord's behavior of proving that you can be trusted is invalid, or it proves that the landlord really doesn't deserve to be trusted from the opposite side.
Then if you grow up in this behavior for a long time, the landlord will passively become a person who is not worthy of trust. Since it is not worthy of trust, then continuing to invest in the trust of others will become an invalid or paying behavior, which will not only be conducive to the formation of the landlord's trust, but also aggravate the depletion of the landlord's trust.
Therefore, to gain trust, we need to break away from this model.
One focus of the landlord's model is to prove, that is, to deal with the proof of distrust from others. It is this proof that intensifies the landlord's distrust.
Proof is to use one's own behavior to gain others' affirmation of oneself from others. That is, the subject of evaluation is others, and others' evaluation completely depends on their own judgment, rather than the information provided by the landlord. Therefore, the landlord's behavior is usually futile.
Cao Cao's attitude towards talents in the Three Kingdoms period is: no doubt in employing people, no doubt in doubting people. But Cao Cao himself is indeed a very suspicious person, but how can Cao Cao achieve "no doubt in employing people, no doubt in doubting people"?
In fact, Cao Cao does not really believe in others. Cao Cao only believes in himself. It is precisely because he believes in himself that he is willing to take risks and let "suspicious people" do things. Cao Cao believes in doing things more than people. Therefore, the focus of "no doubt" is not on people, but on things.
The landlord's approach is quite the opposite, focusing on trust in people rather than trust in things. People's subjectivity is not controlled by the landlord, but although things are not controlled by the landlord, they are also not controlled by others. Because of this, we can be relatively objective.
Therefore, the key to trust is not to prove it, but to do it. Believe that you can do well, you can get the trust of others, not because of others' trust, you need to do well.