The reason why people can't live a good life after hearing many truths is that it's always easy to understand for a moment, but it's very difficult to practice day after day. People's enthusiasm, motivation and perseverance are far from enough. We must have a simple method that can be put into practice and guide us to our destination in the "slowly passing time" thereafter. The following is a complete collection of reasons I sorted out for you. Let's have a look! Why is it easier for people who do a good job in "surface Kung Fu" to succeed?
Wen / Meng Xia
In recent years, an excerpt from "Hu Shi's diary" has often been circulated on Weibo.
The onlookers did not have Mr. Hu Shi's achievements, but they staged Mr. Hu Shi's daily life every day. As the saying goes: "intermittent complacency, continuous mixed eating and death".
It seems that every once in a while, we plant in the Driven by these kinds of things, I make a decision to change myself and forget it day after day.
What is it that hinders our determination to "be a new man"? Why do we often "wake up", but the time limit is always limited? If we want to change ourselves, how do we start?
01 if you figure it out, can you change it| The trap of "straight man dilemma"
In China's social culture, we often mention a word: "will quality".
If you can't resist the temptation of mobile phone and computer, you have poor will quality; If you can't concentrate on reading and studying at your desk, you have poor willpower; If you set up a flag, you will always fall down. It is also a poor willpower.
Whenever the plots of "counter attack", "change" and "rebirth" are mentioned in literary works, they always focus on the transformation of one's inner thoughts.
But the fact is that the external environment always has a greater impact than the inner thoughts. And changing the surrounding environment is far more economical and easy than changing one's psychological set.
In the clinical study of adolescent Internet addiction, therapists have found that simply moving the computer from the child's own room to a public area that parents can see can effectively reduce the length of time children play games.
For these children, games and the Internet are still attractive to them. However, by simply changing their location and making it more difficult for them to contact the network, they can effectively reduce the time they spend in front of the computer and create opportunities for them to contact more meaningful things.
Human nature has two important characteristics: one is that it is difficult for the heart to lead the change; Second, it is vulnerable to the external environment.
This spring, Netflix launched a reality TV transformation program called "pink male rescue", which firmly grasped this weakness of human nature and promoted a person's change from peripheral changes.
In this program, the guests are a group of men who are deeply trapped in the "straight man dilemma": they have bad taste, dress sloppy and outdated, and have no attraction at all; But a very important point is that they do not want to change, but feel powerless to get out of this decadent circle.
For example, Jackson, the divorced man who appeared in the first episode, although he signed up for the program, said a heartbreaking sentence to the program group:
"You may make me look better, but ugliness cannot be changed."
Indeed, the old man's life is sloppy, decadent and lifeless:
The old clothes that don't fit, the unhealthy eating habits of potato chips and beef rolls every day, the garbage everywhere in the room, and the irregular work and rest of life
But what really matters is that he has given up his confidence and self-esteem, and continues to escape the disadvantageous and bumpy life under the pretext of ugliness. Bad clothes are just one of the ways for the old man to express his inability to live his life.
However, # I find that people who fall into the "straight man dilemma" can be found everywhere in reality: we are often eager to change ourselves, but again and again we are powerless, careless, give up halfway, and fall into self blame and guilt.
Most people think that only by understanding a truth can they change themselves "from the inside out". However, this idea has hit a wall everywhere in reality.
In contrast, the "from outside to inside" concept change in "saving the soldiers from pink hero" against the current can't help brightening my eyes.
02 "pink hero rescue": overestimated "waking time" and underestimated "superficial Kung Fu"
Maybe sometimes, it is doomed to lack inertia to change yourself only by the inner power of the moment.
Therefore, the transformation of "saving the soldiers" is to promote a person's self transformation through peripheral changes:
Use clean rooms to urge guests to clean frequently; Decorate the restaurant convenient for party and encourage guests to communicate with others; Use elegant and charming clothes to help guests get the courage to date their sweetheart
At the end of each episode, the guests have not only been transformed in appearance, dressing and home, but also had subtle changes in their inner mentality:
For example, the old man mentioned above, although his appearance has not changed much, it can be seen from his movements, expressions and expressions that his attitude towards himself has changed a lot.
The transformation of appearance certainly benefits from the profound skills of the five fashion instructors, but all life transformation programs can not avoid a question from the audience: has the hearts of the guests participating in the program really changed?
Dressing up, arranging homes, or learning to cook all look like "superficial Kung Fu". After these "superficial efforts", can people have qualitative changes?
As the saying goes, "wearing a Dragon Robe is not like a prince"; But if you don't even wear the Dragon Robe, you probably don't look like the crown prince.
Maybe even, I don't remember slowly. I originally wanted to be a prince.
03 "superficial Kung Fu" is a great starting point for changing yourself
In the 1960s, psychologist Zimbardo did an interesting experiment:
He put two as like as two peas in two communities, opening one of the cars and removing the license plate.
Before long, the car with the roof open was stolen, while the other complete car was ignored.
Then Zimbardo broke the window of the car that had not been stolen. The damaged car was soon stolen.
The principle of this experiment is called the "broken window effect": the "first broken window" is often the starting point for things to deteriorate and spread. When a building or a car has a broken window, more and more people will wantonly inflict more damage on it.
People treat others the same way.
When a person is ragged and untidy, he shows a state of giving up hope for life; Then naturally, more and more people will not report hope to TA, leave TA, see TA clearly, and even bully TA.
Like the old man mentioned above, he gave up himself and his ex-wife gave up their marriage.
When we see that a person's clothes are clean and appropriate - perhaps not necessarily fashionable - we will naturally think that he can cope with life well and be willing to give him respect, responsibility, help and expectation.
When a person is respected, given responsibility, provided help and expected, he will naturally join the benign social interaction, learn what he didn't know before and grow into a person who wasn't before.
When we experience these positive feedback, we will naturally be willing to further improve our behavior and continue to cycle - this is a benign "positive reinforcement" process.
No transformation program can really and completely change a person's life. Because for changing a person, one program, or even a whole season, is far from enough time.
The question is whether the content of "transformation" can become a good start, just like the water always flows to the lower place. If we want to make our changes flow, we need to give ourselves an appropriate starting point first.
"Superficial Kung Fu" is not suitable for the final destination, but it is always a good starting point.
04 take your time and let the soul follow
When I was in middle school, there were always smart boys in my class who scoffed at some girls who took careful notes.
"No matter how well you take notes, it's just some frivolous. The final result is not great, and you often fail me."
That was right at the time. But as I grew older and entered college, I gradually found that those girls who insisted on putting on airs achieved more victories.
They still go to the library early to study by themselves, sit in the front row of the classroom, record in detail every knowledge point spoken by the teacher in class, and then get more and more opportunities with good grades.
For those smart boys, no matter how clear thinking and efficient thinking can play a role in reading in the dormitory bed after staying up late to play games.
Many efforts do not touch the essence of the problem, but "take the form", which we must admit. But "taking a good form" will leave us more space to pursue the essence of the problem and finally achieve change.
If we refuse to take the form, it will only make the road to qualitative change more difficult and daunting:
The sudden decision to be a diligent person does not guarantee that the idea of laziness will never appear;
Suddenly decided to be a responsible person, can not guarantee everything is perfect;
Suddenly decided to be an excellent person, it is more difficult to avoid the possible failures and setbacks from time to time.
Many people who have clearly "made up their mind" finally give up change in frustration because of the contradiction between their behavior and expectations again and again.
So I think if you have a "qualitative" change you want to achieve, you might as well "pretend" first:
"I'm a lazy person, but I'm lazy first";
"Although I still want to evade the task many times, I'd better pretend to reply to wechat responsibly first";
"Although I'm not very good, I have to pretend to sit in the first row like an excellent classmate in class today"
"Pretending" means paying attention to the change of external behavior and reducing the pressure on the heart. Allow yourself to still be full of fear and laziness, and focus more on behaviors that meet expectations.
Slowly, you will suddenly find in a moment:
"So I'm already such a person."
Write at the end
The third uncle of the Southern Sect once wrote in the tomb robbing notes that "the mask can't be taken off after wearing it for a long time".
This sentence is often used to describe those subtle negative changes; But I think if that mask is the face we expect, why not put it on first?
When you think you're "not" the person you want to be, why not try to "pretend" first?
Change is never an overnight process, as Wilde said:
"A truth can be suddenly understood in a moment, but it is lost in the middle of the night. We are thinking about eternity, but it is time that passes slowly."
The reason why people can't live a good life after hearing many truths is that it's always easy to understand for a moment, but it's very difficult to practice day after day.
People's enthusiasm, motivation and perseverance are far from enough. We must have a simple method that can be put into practice and guide us to our destination in the "slowly passing time" thereafter.
If you also have a face you want to have but not yet, choose a similar mask for yourself first. Wearing a mask for a long time can also become your own face.
Above.