Speaking out the real inner needs and emotions in an intimate relationship seems to be easily blocked by thousands of rivers and mountains. Why? I sorted out why the Chinese are so implicit. Welcome to learn from it.
Why are the Chinese so reserved
1
Why Qu Zequan?
The book of changes tells us that the universe has no straight line and is usually a circle. The circle pattern represents Tai Chi, and so do people. Our lives are understood only by practitioners. If we look at our form from the perspective of life, it is very bad. We] can see everything in front of us and nothing behind us. The circle of our life is segmented, and the circle of our] form is an aperture. In fact, this form is the center and pillar of our whole life. The so-called God is born in form and essence is condensed in Qi. This is the life of human body.
According to the research of modern science, each of us, and even all things, all living life has light. In the past, we saw that there was an aperture on the portraits of Bodhisattva and God. Now scientific research can see the human aperture. A person's aperture is about eight feet. In other words, how long your arm is, there is such a large aperture around you. Human aperture has different colors, and these colors change with your mood. If you have a bad idea, a bad idea, the color of your aperture will turn black; You have a good idea in your heart, and the color of your aperture is also bright. There are several kinds of light. The best one is gold. The so-called Golden shining in the Buddhist scriptures is the realm of saints. Others include red light, black light, white light, blue light, yellow light, etc.
2
Circular Philosophy
We Chinese learn the book of changes, and some people will look at it. If it is red light, it means there will be bloody disaster; Black gas means disaster; Green light is a realm of magic. This shows that everything is round and light is round. We] studied geophysics, went around in space and returned to our original place. If you understand this truth, you will know why the book of changes says "Qu Cheng everything". In other words, everything in the universe has no straight line. The so-called straight line is to cut off the curve and add some artificial effects. The pseudonym is called straight.
If you really learn the book of changes, you should also have some art in speaking and turn a corner; Even swearing was the same. He turned a corner and scolded him. He was still very comfortable. If you want to scold a person as an asshole, he will work hard with you; If you say we are all bastards, he has nothing to say. Therefore, it is said that "song becomes all things". But you can't go too far. If you become a ball, you won't understand. Therefore, our ancestors knew for a long time that the universal truth is completed by a curve, and there is no place in the human body that is not a curve. Everyone believes in Buddhism, meditates and practices the white bone view. Every bone is not straight, and our spine is not straight. Confucius studied the book of changes and said that "all things are formed without leaving behind", which one will not be missed, because it is circular.
The real circle represents the perfection of everything, because our lives are within this circle, and there is nothing missing. Therefore, it is said to be "bent into all things without leaving behind". After understanding the knowledge of Tai Chi, you can understand the truth of this song. Lao Tzu said "Qu is complete", and everything will be perfect if we follow the curve.
Note: selected from Nan Huaijin's book of changes series
Why are the Chinese so reserved
■ Chinese people express their feelings in a subtle way
Speaking out the real inner needs and emotions in an intimate relationship seems to be easily blocked by thousands of rivers and mountains. Why?
The first is the temperament factor: the way Chinese people express love is indeed more implicit. Not only between intimate partners, but also between parents and children, relatives, friends and colleagues, you will often express insincerely, not to mention the private disclosure of "love" and "concern". The connection between mind and body is cut off, and it is difficult to express from the heart. The root of the obstacle of emotional expression is the obscurity of physical and sexual expression.
In countries where there are no religious restrictions and sex education is more advanced, children's education from childhood is "the true expression of physical feelings". As long as it does not violate social norms, the intimate expression between two people is very natural. In movies, we often see partners sitting down and saying "we need to talk". What do you communicate? Feel.
And what about us? Generally not, when we need to talk about it, the situation is so severe that we can't wait to break up and divorce, mixed with all kinds of accusations and complaints: Why are you like this?
■ social culture restricts people's natural expression
Social culture restricts the natural expression of some natural person attributes, and can not expose their feelings frankly. Our culture is a collective society, which is different from the cultural characteristics highlighted by the western individual consciousness. In the process of growing up, the collective subconscious expects and requires people to act and behave like this. Over time, few people are willing to take risks to stand up: my feeling is
Many boys have experienced mental "abuse" in the process of growing up: men have to resist and cry! But is it necessary for a man to be strong? Does crying have to be a woman's? The stereotype of gender is not educated according to the basic needs of individuals living in the world, but first according to the idea of a "man" or "woman", rather than the first "person".
With the economic progress and social development, in fact, this is changing imperceptibly. Once a ten-year-old boy wrote a sensational news about dropping out of school. One sentence was quoted as a highlight by many media: "my ideal is to live with my beloved girl, even if I make a living by cutting firewood and picking up waste." It has aroused heated discussion and thinking among netizens. Now, after 1990 and 2000, the scope and ability of information acceptance are no worse or even much better than adults. It is difficult to suppress their personality and expression needs.
■ everyone is influenced by the original family
People's family growth experience will greatly affect the intimate relationship in adulthood, such as unconsciously inheriting the parental interaction mode, asking for parental love from their partners, and yearning for boundless care and tolerance... When you see that the fruit of a tree is malnourished, you should find the reason from the root, instead of blaming the fruit for not growing well. Similarly, most of the time, the psychological discomfort of adults still needs to return to the family to trace the source.
In childhood, the way parents interact with their children will be presented in TA's future interaction with the outside world, especially the intimate relationship. Whether a person has clear personal boundaries, sufficient and complete self-worth and positive heterosexual cognition are all the sources of life - the energy given by parents can have a harmonious and happy gender relationship only if it flows smoothly. Otherwise, it is necessary to heal the hidden pain caused by these shadow parts (sometimes it is really difficult to detect) and avoid turning in a vicious circle.
■ there may be risks within the exposure
Daring to open your heart and express your truth requires taking risks, and only those who are truly confident can do it.
If you look at it, you will find that most of the people who can dare to express themselves in life are more confident, and their mental health index is relatively high. If you often need to hide your feelings and feel that you have to expose yourself when you say something, you should have a sense of insecurity. In fact, you should pay attention and have a good observation. Many people worry: how unsafe it is to expose their weaknesses and let others know what I need! In fact, women are stupid and love to hide it by pretending to be strong.
People are group animals. It's normal for a person to need others, but it's not normal to don't need others. Children who have been hurt since childhood will cover up their hearts, resulting in many intimate relationship problems after adulthood. The most common is that you clearly want the other party to stay, but you say: if you go, who is afraid? This kind of childish and low-level psychological trick can be used once or twice, but it won't work if you use it all the time.