"My roommate always goes to study secretly and doesn't let us know. She doesn't want others to feel that she is struggling. She even saw her studying in the library and said she went to play when she came back to the dormitory. How should we explain this phenomenon of secretly studying?" Are there such students around you? The following is a complete collection of reasons I sorted out for you. Let's have a look! What kind of psychology does a person secretly study?
Wen / Wei Lan
In the article a few days ago, a friend @ corn said in the message area that he had encountered such a problem:
My roommate always secretly went to study and didn't let us know. She didn't want others to feel that she was struggling. She even saw her studying in the library. When she came back to the dormitory, she said she had gone to play. How should we explain this phenomenon of secretly learning?
This message has received a lot of praise. It seems that we often encounter such a problem in the process of learning.
After seeing this problem, I thought for a moment. I always think that the reason why a person has the behavior of "secretly learning and don't want to be known by others" has a lot to do with her environment.
If she lives in an environment where everyone works hard and has enough study time, her behavior of going to the library to study will not be described as "secretly", because everyone is the same, and she doesn't need other nouns to cover up her reading.
But the biggest difference between college and high school is that everyone's learning rhythm is very different.
Most people are poisoned by the poisonous chicken soup of "it's easy to go to college". When they come to college, they are in a very relaxed state at all. Unless it's the final exam, they will be criticized by others for appearing or showing excessive love for learning in their usual time.
Especially when she is in an environment where she doesn't want to study, but just wants to eat, drink and have fun, her behavior of reading and learning is out of tune with the environment. The biggest consequence of being out of tune is to become a "alien".
Not everyone can carry the different views of others. In order to avoid becoming a different kind in the eyes of others, she can only play to hide her real behavior every time.
Moreover, it is very important for college students to understand that not everyone will really cheer and be happy for you.
There was such a question on Zhihu before: why do I send screenshots of running to my circle of friends every time I finish running, and no one likes me, but someone black you?
The reason is that apart from your parents, few people will be happy with your achievements. Everyone has something they care about. You run 5K every day, you get the national inspirational scholarship, and you win the offer of the world's top 500. These are dispensable for them.
If you understand this, you will understand the psychology of those who study secretly all day.
She probably already knows that even if she shows up in the circle of friends all day and says she has solved several more problems after returning to the dormitory, others will not show much interest in her behavior. Over time, she will learn well. Even if she works hard, she won't mention a word with others.
The above views are the reasons why brother Xian believes that "secretly learning psychology" arises. Of course, in addition to these two reasons, my good friend Wei Lan also put forward different views. His views have won nearly 6000 praise in knowledge. Today, I also share them with you, hoping to enlighten you.
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The main reason is psychological defense. The reason for this phenomenon is more because they want to protect their self-esteem.
For students, they have realized that hard work and success are commendable, but failure will leave the impression of low energy. After using this psychological defense strategy, the success is due to high ability, but the failure is due to the obstruction of external factors.
I once found a very interesting phenomenon in college classes. I found that many people dare not sit in the first row of the classroom, and the students sitting in the first row are often called "Xueba".
At this time, if the student sitting in the first row, his grades are only medium. When someone asks him why he only gets this score, what may happen? He said he didn't study hard, but everyone didn't believe it, because everyone thought he dared to be the first row, which made people feel his efforts.
However, if a classmate who sits in the last row or often doesn't come to class has the lowest score, when asked about his frustrated score, he can simply say "I didn't work hard". If the teacher talks to him, it will also be "you are so smart, as long as you work hard, your grades will come up".
This attribution gap is reflected in whether there is a visible psychological defense against yourself.
Those who like to say they don't work hard, they objectify the reasons for their failure by setting up some obstacles for themselves. Those who let people see their efforts, they often can't find a good excuse, and then think that others must think they are not smart enough. They attribute their failure to the inside, not the outside, and then feel frustrated self-esteem and damaged image.
Similarly, those who secretly study and don't want others to know, but also deliberately pretend that they didn't learn, they just hope that they can have an excuse when they fail, at least don't let others feel that there is a problem with their intelligence and ability, objectify the cause of failure and reduce the injury of self-esteem.
Next, it makes sense for them not to "protect themselves" from failure on the grounds of "positive self-esteem".
If they succeed carelessly, they can also get more praise and even the title of "learning from God". Therefore, many students are willing to protect themselves in this way.
Moreover, college students with low self-esteem will use this defense method to protect their self-esteem when they are worried about the failure of self-related tasks. The college students with high self-esteem use it to strengthen their success when they have successful experience in similar tasks.
Those with low self-esteem will try to explain their poor grades by not studying, while those with high self-esteem will exaggerate the frustration of their achievements.
Those who secretly study and don't want others to know, but also deliberately pretend that they haven't learned, generally have a higher level of self-esteem, and they prefer to be recognized by others.
Of course, this kind of self psychological defense has its positive significance. However, excessive use of this strategy may lead to a decline in self-efficacy and loss of confidence in what you do. When the task comes, their mantra will be "I can't", and then fall into a state of procrastination and evasion.
Of course, I think it's better to have more understanding. After all, people are difficult!