Intellectually, some behavioral barriers are obvious, such as dealing with emotionally inaccessible partners or friends, overeating or excessive consumption. Although one is trying to get rid of these habits, there is always something that will pull them back. This may not be due to a lack of self-discipline. But an unconscious need to re experience the negative experiences of childhood. The following is a collection of reasons I collected for you. Let's have a look! Why don't you like your behavior and it's hard to change it?
01
For example, some people will find that they are always entangled with the same kind of people and that they are always used, manipulated and used as disposable products by the same kind of people. After repeatedly falling into the same relationship, these people may begin to believe in fate. However, repeating or easily sliding into an adult relationship, similar to childhood relationships with emotionally abusive parents, may be the problem.
Some people are often unconsciously attracted to familiar things. If a person's parents are self-centered, he / she can easily be attracted to a self-centered person when he / she is in love. Selfish partners or friends often idealize the person who wants to be accepted and start a relationship.
The self-centered partner will praise and treat the person, making him / her think he / she is really loved. However, once the person is dismissed, they will be "spoiled" by the person. This loss of favor can shock and cause anxiety. He or she may unconsciously fall into the repetition of childhood painful experiences and loudly ask for recognition.
People need to continue the relationship and fight for a different ending, one where he or she feels valued and loved. However, this may not be realistic, because partners with serious narcissistic tendencies may lack empathy. If they can make others feel small, they will feel great. The swing from idealization to belittlement gives selfish partners a sense of control. Therefore, an emotionally unreliable partner can't give you the stable love you desperately want. Instead, working with emotionally abusive parents strengthens your unsafe attachment type.
02
A similar situation occurs in overeating.
Often, children who grow up in a parental self-centered environment feel ashamed because they feel different from their parents. Children feel bad because they feel denied and rejected.
Usually, food can bring comfort, because food is also the nutrition that nourishes the inside. A child who grows up eager for understanding and compassion sometimes grows into an adult who seeks comfort from food. It is common for adults to overeat to fill emotional emptiness.
Although overeating may be an unconscious attempt to restore emotional confusion, it fails to achieve its purpose because it is not true empathy or understanding.
03
For an adult, shopping therapy or propensity to overspend may be an unconscious way for them to look for verification that they didn't have in childhood.
In the process of growing up, a child is not sure who he is. When he grows up, he may be eager to be recognized. As an adult, the person who spends a lot of money on himself may be after being recognized by others.
Getting appreciation may be to relive the pain of not sure if you're worth it. However, the honor gained through appearance and material wealth is often empty. One needs to be understood and loved.
04
Blaming the mistakes of adults on the shortcomings of their parents does not solve the problem, nor can the past be used as an excuse to abuse the present. However, understanding how childhood experiences affect a person's self-awareness may be crucial to healing and eliminating dysfunctional behaviors that a person does not understand.
In addition, if you are a parent, try to remember that emotion is the essence of children. If parents are emotionally consistent, can respect their children's feelings, and can adhere to expectations, guidance, comfort or encouragement, they can better help their children feel safe. It's good for children and adults.
It's unnecessary to maintain a toxic relationship and hope it can change, fill the emotional emptiness by eating, and gain affirmation by spending money. You can treat and heal your childhood trauma with psychotherapy to avoid a repeat of the tragedy.